by Judith MacNutt
2018 Vol. 01

But when the kindness of God our Savior appeared He saved us, not because of righteous things that we had done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth, and renewal through the Holy Spirit Whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior. (Titus 3: 4–6)

The life that we have in God starts with His grace; it is all about grace.

Our dear friend Tommy Tyson repeated this to us. He said, “God’s purpose is to conform; to transform you to be like Jesus.” Our healing and transformation is to be in the here and now. He accomplishes this by the power of the Holy Spirit working within us.

When we talk about healing our past we are talking about the consequences of sin — sins that have been committed against us, and sins that we have committed. If we confess, aren’t our sins forgiven? Yes, but we still live with the consequences. At Christian Healing Ministries we call these the “wounds of sin.”

Before we can totally embrace the new we must deal with the old within us. When we come into the Kingdom of God and accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior; we are only stepping into the Kingdom. We are not fully transformed yet; we are not healthy, we are not whole, we are not out transforming the world.

It is our destiny to walk in this world like Jesus did and to do what He did. We say we want newness of life, but we continue to think and act out of our old mindset. As Einstein said, “problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.”

The truth is that what is not acknowledged cannot be healed. What you don’t consciously acknowledge and bring to God will remain in control of you. It may be just a small thing inside of you that controls you, but it is your go–to place every time you run into problems.

Do you remember what changed in the story of the prodigal son? He came to his senses. When he confessed to his father he said, “I have sinned, forgive me.”

When we come to God and acknowledge and embrace our brokenness and our sin, we come to our senses. We bring these things to the Holy Spirit and to one another for prayer in order to experience healing.

James 5:16: Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you might be healed.

Psalm 51:6 says, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part you will make me to know wisdom.

John 8:32 says, You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

We all have hidden issues, don’t we? To desire truth in your inward parts means there can’t be any hidden things that have not been brought to God. Being honest with ourselves and others takes less energy than trying to contain and control those things within you, or worry about being discovered, or living with the lies you believe about yourself. Most of us have done shameful things in our life, and most of us have had shameful things done to us; they will not be healed until they are brought into the truth of God and in His presence.

The Spirit of God will go after those lies within you, into those hidden parts, and bring healing and transformation.

Judith MacNutt is author, teacher, conference speaker and co–founder of CHM.

by J. Lee Grady
2018 Vol. 01

When I was a boy, something shameful happened to me that I never planned to talk about publicly. During a summer visit to a youth camp in Alabama, an older boy took me into the woods and abused me sexually. He then brought me inside a boathouse near the camp’s lake for more experimentation.

The abuse wasn’t penetrative or physically painful, but it inflicted a deep emotional scar. It was as if my 7–year–old soul were branded with a hot iron. I never talked about the incident with anyone after it happened. I buried the trauma.

I was glad when my family moved from Alabama so I would never have to see that camp or the boathouse again. Yet the memory followed me like a shadow. It produced self–loathing, fear of exposure and deep inferiority. As a teenager, I spent lots of energy trying to convince my friends I was OK — yet I still feared I was hopelessly broken.

Thankfully my healing began at age 18, when I asked Jesus to fill me with the Holy Spirit. God stripped layers of shame off me as I experienced the Father’s unconditional love. By the time I got married and started a family, the shadow of abuse had grown faint.

I found more healing when I told some mentors and friends about the abuse. I was afraid they would recoil in disgust and reject me (most abuse victims expect that response), but they expressed only love and affirmation. Transparency brought freedom.

Yet a thin layer of shame lingered. Even though I was involved in full–time ministry by that time, I battled thoughts of disqualification. I seemed confident and successful to others, but I didn’t like myself.

Then last year, after I relocated to Georgia, I realized the camp where the abuse happened was only 90 miles from my house. When I told this to my friend James, he suggested we go there to pray and find more closure.

As we drove onto the camp property I felt uneasy. It had been 50 years since the incident, yet the place looked exactly like I remembered it — except for two things: The ranger’s house, where the older boy lived, was gone, and so was the wooden boathouse. Only a faint outline of the foundation of that building was visible next to the lake’s edge.

James and I stood on the grass and prayed in the Holy Spirit. No one else was on the property. James asked me to remember again what happened on that spot. Then he added: “The Lord was there when this horrible thing happened. Ask the Lord what He is saying to you.”

My arms were folded in a defensive posture. Maybe after all these years I was still protecting my heart from the pain. But in that peaceful moment, I could see the inside of the dark boathouse, with life jackets and canoes hanging on the walls. I saw Jesus standing near a frightened little boy. He said: “I will not let this stop you.”

Those words lifted a few hundred pounds off my mind. Jesus wasn’t scolding me or scowling at me with disapproval. He had come to my rescue. He was promising me that the enemy’s plan to destroy my life would not prevail.

I knew from that moment that my experience with abuse had absolutely no control over me. The sting had been removed.

I basked in His presence for a few moments, looking out over the lake and remembering that I had learned to swim there during my summer visits. Then I asked James if we could visit one other location. We got in my car and drove to a church in Montgomery, where I gave my heart to Jesus at age six.

When we pulled into the parking lot of Dalraida Baptist Church, my heart leaped. Unlike the old camp boathouse, the church was still there. In fact, a huge new sanctuary stood in front of the old building where I was baptized. The old sanctuary was now the youth ministry center.

“This is amazing,” I told James. “The place where I was abused is gone. But the place where I began my relationship with Jesus is thriving.”

God spoke to me powerfully that day in Montgomery. He showed me that what defines my life is not the ugly blemish on my past but the precious faith I embraced when I chose to follow Him. And he reminded me of Isaiah 54:4a: “Do not fear, for you shall not be ashamed nor be humiliated; for you shall not be put to shame, for you shall forget the shame of your youth.”

What about you? If you’ve experienced sexual abuse, you don’t have to hide your secret or drag the shame around. Jesus knows your pain. He does not reject you or keep you at arm’s length. Bring your shame into His presence and let His strong embrace heal your wounded soul.

J. Lee Grady is a Former editor of Charisma magazine, author, speaker and Director of The Mordecai Project.